talk abt mood swinging from 1 end of e scale rite to e other end in SECONDS..i tot i was exaggerating..it really happened 2dae,tho not on e scale of seconds it was still appalling!i tot my high frm yesterday will tide me thru,i almost broke down 2dae!i was controlling v hard..i dun wanna falter in front of so many pple...reminds me of myself in german class after quarrelling w gen in skool n i was sobbing so bad but managed 2 cool down when i reached there..but i couldn't open my mouth,else i'll start crying str away n i can't stop!

it would haf been disastrous 2dae if i din control..i can imagine..cos 1 tear was already gg 2 drop out of my eye..but i was forcing it 2 stay inside..can u believe when i write dis i m tinking of saturated liquid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!it's screwing up my brains..i'm tinking of wat e lecturer says tt it's a saturated liq means it's liq w 1 drop of vapour in eqm..i'm gg nuts..

i had no idea how come depression suddenly hit me like tt..but depression is too strong a word 2 use bcos clinically it's wrong.i shd use overwhelmed w sadness..tt'll b more appropriate.
in e morn i bumped into cindy on e mrt n was still q happy n stuf,even w a ess quiz tt i did wrongly(i dun give a damn abt tt cos i was prepared 2 go n get stunned but surprisingly still can write some crap out)..den it was like sei all e way until mkt presentation..n he dropped a "bomb" on us when it's 3 wks to e final project..tt added another wham 2 e sei-ness..

den somehow sth useful said over lunch yesterday hit me n it kept repeating itself in my brain-orson says it applies 2 girls only n tt's juz not e case 4 guys..yup maybe tt's true..cos another guy agreed w him. i was like how exasperated tt after i sat down a while during hmt lec i juz walked out of e lt 2 go toilet n fill my water bottle.i dun understand A SINGLE BIT of wat he is saying-everytime he asks is there anything u dun understand i wanna tell him-EXPLAIN RITE FROM E START OF HMT LEC 1 RITE FROM RADIATION ONWARDS COS I'M FREAKING LOST EVER SINCE U STARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!but of cos i juz shut my mouth n sit there n copy frantically n go home n read my trusty w3 (puke!)

den it was e THING-i was overwhelmed w dis TSUNAMI of depression.sadness.pity.wateva u call it-everything possibly NEGATIVE.
e moment i entered cet class room while waiting for e tutor 2 come i juz felt like crying n e phrase kept repeating itself over n over again in my head.MY GOD TT WAS HELL MAN.i juz wanted 2 faster go home so i can cry at home or sth..but i can't cos 1. there's cet tut 2. there's dnd meeting(which turned out 2 b a blessing in disguise)
tt was e worst time i ever had

nus is e most f-ed up place i ever went for education
chem eng is e worst decision i've ever made in my life
BUT i'm in it n i WILL live w it-juz tt i need an avenue 2 complain whenever i can't keep it under control anymore..but it doesn't mean tt i've accepted it.i feel it's a blemish in my life.

of cos i m purely referring 2 e academic pt of view, not e pple..cos those tt r w me r v nice..thanx 4 cracking me up 2dae at thai express while discussing!those tears r gone for now haha!v lame jokes..but v effective in bringing laughter!

i hate 2 compare myself w myself in e past-cos i've changed FOR E WORST
bad tempered,impatient,kan cheong,juz showing irritation whenever i feel it,complain like shit,wateva u name it i got it.

but i still wanna heed e advice tt uni is not juz abt studies,it's more den tt.i dun wan my occupation 2 b a nerd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i need joy laughter hugs smiles love haha! :D
back 2 normal for now..i can't guarantee tmr..even w a natural high frm yesterday u can still get a screwed up me 2dae..wat else can i say.ess can juz kao4 bian1 zhan4,i'm watching america's next top model now!